Emotional Mastery

“There’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
you…“ ~ Charles Bukowski

Chains

We are all vulnerable to life and all of its cruelties, experiencing a range of emotions: fear, anger, sadness, shame. Even tough guys, and maybe especially tough guys: we learn how to hide our emotions – from the world, and even from ourselves. They become our blocks, and our chains.

The beat poet Charles Bukowski ‘s childhood was difficult. He was beaten at the hand of a brutal father and also by his peers. Girls rejected him. He learned to  soothe the negative emotions with booze. Lots of it. Alcoholic from the tender age of 13, he said drinking was akin too killing yourself, and experiencing rebirth the next day. In this resurrection, however, there is no healing.

Wounds

When we are emotionally wounded and left unhealed, consequences result, from the subtle to the dramatic. We flood ourselves with fear – and this blocks our ability to make rational decisions. It also blocks our well being and we may harm ourselves with subsequent inappropriate behavior – substance abuse, alcohol, and a range of disorders. Or, we may harm others, expressing anger with violence. When we suppress our emotions, they will create a downward spiral. We have to deal…without control of our emotions, no matter how tough or how strong, we are powerless.

Playing Dead

In the sixties, psychologist Stanley Schachter proposed his theory that our thought processes (and environment) contribute to what we experience on an emotional/physical level in any situation. This seems substantiated by documentation in real life disaster situations and studies in laboratory settings that show one of the most common reactions to an extreme threat is not to fight or flight, but to shut down or stop moving. Animals tested that felt frightened or trapped, shut down, became limp, like “playing dead”. Unfamiliar surroundings or situations (where there has been no training) intensified the likelihood of this reaction. But with awareness, practice and experience we can also learn better responses to our emotions and our fears.

Control

What does it have to do with martial arts? Martial arts is as much about cultivation of character as it is about controlled action and reaction. It is about becoming a fully integrated being. This is the path of the Evolving Martial Artist. We are not disciplined, truly, unless we work towards emotional mastery. This is fully developing and incorporating the way of the monk into our holisitic self. The more we understand, and learn to deal with our emotions, the more rational and effective our responses will be to a situation. Are you a reactive or a proactive person? We cannot control what happens – but we can learn conscious control of our behavior.

We will look at healthier ways to regulate our emotions in Part 2.

Toni Josephson

Emotional Mastery: Watch The Master’s 3 Sons

Tags: anger, bukowski, emotions, fear, kung fu, Martial Arts, shaolin