Years ago my sister and I attended a self defense workshop. We were shown techniques to fend off attackers and how to use everyday objects you may have with you to protect yourself — keys or a pen. Staying focused, we were told, allows you to be swift and decisive. Ending the immediate threat by getting away from the situation is the best solution.
Unknown Assailants
The day after the workshop my sister got off at her train stop to a dark, deserted platform. A loitering stranger followed her. She walked faster, but as he grabbed the back of her coat she could feel it tear. She remembered they taught us to yell, it attracts attention. She screamed. It unnerved him and she managed to get free and to the stairs. He came after her. She went for the groin, which bent him over. She fished keys from her pocket and jammed them into his face. When he put his hands up to his bleeding nose, she kicked him. He fell on the steps and she ran out into the street. She got away.
Intimate Attackers
We all know that frightening scenario. Now imagine you are attacked in your home, but this time the attacker is your spouse or partner. Many of us were shocked to learn that Chris Brown is facing felony charges for allegations of domestic violence against girlfriend Rihanna. They seemed to be a successful, happy couple. Yet there are (alleged) visible injuries. Several sources say the abuse was ongoing, with the violence growing progressively worse. Brown had also previously and publicly discussed the physical abuse both he and his mother had endured at the hands of his stepfather.
The emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse can be as damaging as physical wounds. Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal/emotional abuse to physical violence and even murder. Abuse includes all ages, backgrounds, genders, gay and straight. And there are stealth abusers, those who seem unlikely candidates for committing acts of violence. Though the public demeanor seems calm, a volatile temper is unleashed behind closed doors. The abused person may be too ashamed to come forward, or too afraid. Perhaps he/she was isolated or maligned by the abuser with friends and family, so no one believes it, or they just look the other way.
Awareness & Support
The Department of Agriculture’s domestic violence awareness handbook notes, “Too many people continue to believe that domestic violence is a private matter between a couple, rather than a criminal offense that merits a strong and swift response.” What helped bring the Brown/Rihanna situation to light? Someone called 911.
Communication is a powerful tool and there are options. Hopefully the Brown/Rihanna story will begin dialogues. If you believe a friend is in an abusive situation, you can help. There are several agencies and resources, many found online. Suggest professional counseling: therapy may be an effective way for an abusive partner to sort through feelings of rage. This may work if the abuser acknowledges the behavior and works to change. If leaving is necessary, it requires careful management. Help your friend by creating a safety plan and communicating your support. Physical assault is a crime. Ending the immediate threat is the best solution.
Please give us your thoughts on this topic. We recognize that although basic self defense techniques are the same, the situation, strategy and psychology are different between men and women. Are you interested in seeing basic personal safety videos here on our site? For women? Men? Let us know. Thanks, Toni
http://www.da.usda.gov/shmd/aware.htm
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm
I can say that Chris Brown is an A-Hole becuase he beat and treated Rihanna badly;;.
Chris Brown is a nice R&B artist but he is abusive too~’~
chris brown is a great singer just like rihanna, i could have wished that they got married together”;’